Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I skipped work to stalk him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
