I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
