I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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