Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
