At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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