Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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