I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
