My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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