Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Green mimosas i think yes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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