I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
