Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The uberlube is also flammable
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
