I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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