Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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