Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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