my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
