It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
