Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
