My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
