I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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