I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
