Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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