I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
