whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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