dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
