Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hippo gnu deer
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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