i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
