Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
