dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A bitchslap is in order.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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