when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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