The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
