i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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