My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
