dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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