Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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