He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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