he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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