Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
