moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
