I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
