you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
