if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
