i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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