she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
