Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
