OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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