We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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