No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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