I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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