that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
