i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i've created a new STD.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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