I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
