btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
