hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
