i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
