I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
