my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
