So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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