you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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