why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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