I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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