Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
