A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
