No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
