Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
