cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
