Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
