So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
