So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize