Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
