I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
