Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
