Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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