I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
