3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My brain says no but my pants say off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
