I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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