the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
