Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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