I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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