I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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