Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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