At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize