Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
